Don’t Judge Until You’ve Walked In My Shoes

Judging others is a human trait. How many times have you faced a close-knit judgment?  You’re not always ready to deviate from the path you choose, but you still have to endure third-party criticism and opinions about what you’re doing and what you’re not doing. You would be lying if you claimed that the words of others would not hurt or annoy you.

It’s hard not to listen to the advice and criticism of others, especially if the comments come from people close to you. Friends, partner, or family members may not understand the decisions and choices you make, this can make life awkward. Judging others, however, is natural, and we are all to blame.

However, a true friend will never blindly judge or criticize you. Sometimes a friend can mean good when he questions your decisions. A friend knows you and the things you go through. However, people can also act for selfish reasons, and they don’t always have your best interests in mind.

Remember, only you know what your life is like, what you have had to experience, and how painful obstacles have hit your path. Only you yourself can appreciate all the moments in your life: the times you have pushed forward without asking for help from others and those small gains that may not be significant in the eyes of others.

The road we choose and the paths we build define us

You are not just a picture in the mirror. You can’t be compartmentalized based on what you wear, what you say, or what you do in front of other people.

You are constantly at work, evolving and accumulating experiences. You form a stand for who you are and are constantly changing. There are forces inside you that others don’t know about.

No one barely moves through life, grinding just about all the horrible thing they’ve encountered, no one barely constantly complains about their disappointments, losses, or gains. So why do some people think they can judge another without knowing them at all?

Why condemn another?

• Individuals who are accustomed to judging others are usually frustrated with their own lives.
• Unhappy and dissatisfied people project their own need for control into other people’s lives.
• Intra-family condemnation is common; parents, grandparents, cousins, or siblings can judge each other quickly and unhindered: “ You’re too confident, that’s why disgusting things happen to you ,” or “ You start all things completely wrong, you think you can do anything, but that’s not true .”
• Family members may condemn because they believe they are helpful or offer you advice. Sometimes they imagine giving you an important lesson about life. Sometimes behind words and judgment is a desire to control your life and make sure you follow their wishes, rules, and way of life.

• Sometimes someone can judge your lifestyle just to be able to justify their own lifestyle that is different from you. They seek confirmation of their own choices by judging others. This is a common phenomenon.

• Judging others is based on their own bad feelings, and people who do it find no basis for their comments. Usually, comments are just an excuse and an opportunity to attack, insult, or show contempt.
• Often, judgmental people lack the ability to be self-critical.  They are unable to judge their own actions and words, and they are blind to their own shortcomings. They protect themselves by criticizing others.
• People who are used to judging others often suffer from self-confidence problems, and their lives are not what they would like it to be. They don’t have the passion and fun hobbies that would take their thoughts elsewhere out of the hands of others. They spend their time wondering and criticizing the lives of others because they have plenty of time for it.

This is how you defend yourself against the criticism of others

Sometimes we shout to ourselves, “That doesn’t apply to me.” Sometimes that’s true, especially if the comments and criticism come from colleagues or other people you’re not very close with. You can react to their words with a shrug and forget the whole thing.

But what happens when disgusting comments come from your partner, dear friend, or family member?

In these cases, you may feel offended. Comments from loved ones have a profound effect on us because we want to listen to them. First of all, you need to stay calm and focus on even the following mantras:

“ I know who I am, I know what I’ve been through and I’m proud of every step I take and the mistakes I make and the things I learn ,” or “ No one has the right to judge me, because only I know how happy I am in my life and how much I value those things, which I have . ”

Everyone makes mistakes

• In the midst of a difficult situation, it’s a good idea to try these positive mantras, as they protect your self-confidence and prevent you from reacting to hurtful comments. If you react with anger or contempt, you can do more harm to yourself. Tell another what nasty comments make you feel and think, maybe it’s just a misunderstanding.
• Tell others about your disappointment. Express that they have no right to judge you and that they do not know you properly. Let them know that you are disappointed with their comments.

• If someone is constantly criticizing you, they won’t understand you and you have time to think about continuity in the relationship. If the other can do nothing but marvel at your choices, maybe it’s time to put the relationship on the ice – this applies to anyone in your life: mom, brother or partner.
• If a person in your immediate circle is unable to accept that sometimes you make mistakes and they strongly condemn you for everything you do wrong, it may well be that they consider themselves more valuable and better people. They may believe that they never make bad decisions or mistakes, and they do not know how to treat themselves with healthy self-criticism. They lack empathy and it is normal for them to judge others.

If you feel that you face criticism every day of your life from those close to you, you may eventually bow to their will. Don’t let others subdue you or make you give up on things that are important to you. Don’t let that happen.

In these situations, ask yourself if there is a solution to taking distance from the people who control your life. Keep an arm’s length away from individuals who don’t value you as you are.